| "A .44 Caliber Love Letter Straight Frum My Heart..." |
|
|
| Aug. 19th, 2005 |
06:38 am | |
| |
Current Mood:
![[mood icon]](http://www.deadjournal.com:8080/mood/charitycam/black_cat/black_cat31.gif) tired
Current Music:
"Dig Up Her Bones" By Misfits
|
It's been awhile since I last wrote so I thought I was kinda due. Thinsg between Chris came to and quite fast and I'm glad. He turned out to be a major jackass. But that's fine... I have moved on. I slowly find myself falling for Richard even tho I kno it will end up in heartache. Why is it I find myself attracted to the people who will hurt me. I'm trying to not get too caught up in things with him but it's hard to not tell him how I feel. I don't even kno if he likes me or if there is even the possibility of a relationship. I'm hoping so. It seems promising at time but then I dunno. I'm attracted to him for so many reasons but I don't think he wants a relationship. I'm trying to play it like I don't care. It's hard. Then there is Jared. Who I also like. He's so hott and he's so funny. I don't kno him that well so I'm in the process of trying to get to kno him and see where things could possibly go. I mean I would like either him or Richard. All I want is someone to care. I'm tired of reaching out and nothing being there. I guess we will see what happens... Anyhoo... I'm outie!
OHKAYBI
|
|
| |
|
Leave a comment |
| |
| "Kissing The Life Into Something That's Already Died..." |
|
|
| Jul. 11th, 2005 |
04:35 am | |
| |
Current Mood:
![[mood icon]](http://www.deadjournal.com:8080/mood/charitycam/black_cat/black_cat35.gif) scared
Current Music:
"Flow" By Transistor
|
I guess the title of this one best describes how I feel about things between Chris and I, and I guess to undertstand what I mean by this I guess I should expain what has happened between him and I.Well things started out good. When I first met him he was with his ex girlfriend. He seemed like a nice guy. But the next time I saw him at the bar and I was totally gonna go for him(there are other reasons but I don't care to say what they were) but then for some reason I didn't but end up talkin to him that night and he ended up hitting on me and I was like "I'm down!". Well I ended up hangin with him that Friday night and then again Saturday and one day thru the week then again that Friday I think. But then when we were supposed to be going out(cuz he asked me out the last night we hung out)and he ended up hitting on another girl(who was a kinda good friend of mine) and told my other friend that we weren't togetherand he was going home with **** and that was the end of that. I tried talking to him about what happened but I didn't think he even cared. But then like Friday I saw him that night and I ended up talking to him and we kinda hooked back up. Everyone is scared he's just gonna hurt me again and so am I cuz I do REALLY like him. Right now I get the feeling that he's kinda relationship scared cuz of what his last g/f did to him. I totally understand that but I just don't wanna spend another night in tears cuz I fall to fast and he ends up hurting me again. I just really wanna talk to him and see where we stand with eachother. It suxs because I do wanna be with him and the time that I have spent with him has been amazing. I feel like this is gonna turn out the same as when I was kidna with Dustin. I try not to go to crazy and let my emotions run rampant but it's hard when you think you found someone who you think you would go really well with. Also what made it worse to was when he asked me out he gave me his ring and when all that shit went down I gave it back and then the other night he gave it back to me again. I don't even kno what this means. I'm confused... I wanna go for him but should I? Should I take the risk of my heart breaking again? Or should I just forget him? Can I just for get him? I dunno what to do but thanks to my trusty dead journal at least I have somewhere to vent and not be judged on it...*sigh of relief* that felt good hehe
OHKAYBI
|
|
| |
|
1 comment - Leave a comment |
| |
| "I Guess I Remember Every Glance You Shot Me..." |
|
|
| Mar. 22nd, 2005 |
12:27 am | |
| |
Current Mood:
![[mood icon]](http://www.deadjournal.com:8080/mood/charitycam/black_cat/black_cat19.gif) high
Current Music:
"Ain't Talkin 'Bout Love" By Val's Quiet Guitar Version
|
Wow... I haven't written in here in a long ass time. i guess I have some catching up to do. I dunno if I have mention this before me Tim and I have been e-mailing eachother for that past few months and it's been so awesum hearing from him all the time and getting to hear what he's doing and if he's o.k. Getting and e-mail from him makes my day. I love him so much. I can't wait to see him again. I miss him like crazy. Not too much has went on since I last wrote. dustin was in jail but now he's out and as soon as I saw him all the old feelings came back. I tried so hard to fight it and I was doing o.k untill he came and sat right beside me and I got to talk to him for a bit. Then he asked me to play a game of pool with him. I thought he was still pissed at me but I asked Dan his brother and he said that Dustin said, "I'm not pissed at her I played a game of pool with her." and that was a great weight lifted off my shoulders but things aren't the same and I kno they never will be but I miss him and hanging with him and like talking with him. But there is nothing I can do about that. I just hope one day him and I can become close again. I have also dated a few guys... well sum dated, some just kinda "saw" for abit. The latest 2 right now are Kevin and Ryan. I don't exactly kno where Ryan stands with me right now, but I think Kevin likes me or at least I hope he does. I had an amazing time hanging out with him on Saturday. He's an amazing kisser and I have learned so much about him and we kinda want the same things outta life which is refreshing to find someone who is somewhat going in the same direction. That will make it so much easier if we do end up hooking up, which I totally hope we do. My weekend this past weekend was awesum. Went to the bar both night and got completely wasted. It was so fun. Saturday night was the best tho. All I did was dance. I couldn't stop dancing but taht's alright cuz I love to dance. I ended up staying up till like 9:00 AM Sunday because I couldn't sleep plus I was hangin out with Kevin pretty much all night cept for a bit. I dunno why but all I do is think about him and I wanna talk about him so much but I kno my friends kinda don't like him... and they make fun of him kinda so there isn't really anone I can talk to about him. But that's o.k cuz I like him lots and he's amazing to me and I guess that's all that matters in this world. Life has been pretty o.k for once and I hope to hell it keeps going this way. OMG you'll never guess who I fuckin saw in the bar. Aaron Doyle from when I went to Myrtle St. I think he's partially crazy. That dude totally freaked me out but I dun kno if I wanna get into that. Acctually I won't...lol if ya wanna kno ask it's easier to tell. Anyhoo... I think I'm outta things to talk about for now so untill the next intense experiance...I'm out!
OHKAYBI
|
|
| |
|
1 comment - Leave a comment |
| |
| "I've Been Drowning Forever..." |
|
|
| Jan. 9th, 2005 |
06:21 am | |
| |
Current Mood:
![[mood icon]](http://www.deadjournal.com:8080/mood/charitycam/black_cat/black_cat37.gif) weird
Current Music:
"Talk Tonight" By Oasis
|
Not to much has really been going on. Dustin is still mad about the msg and now I hardly talk to him at all. I wish I could say sumthin to make him realise that I'm sorry but I don't kno what I can say or do. I mean I kno I really shouldn't feel bad but I do. I think what hurts the most is that I never thought he would say things about me behind my back. I mean I thought we were closer than that. And Dan (his brother) says the only reason he's mad is cuz Dustin's last g/f was really possesive but i don't see that as my trying to be possive it just made me upset and I just wanted to make it clear to him that he really hurt me. I dunno I don't kno what to do. This weekend at the bar was pretty fun. I met this guy named Jeff who was a total cutie and we danced n' shit and he said he's gonna be there next weekend. I hope so cuz I totally wanna see him again and maybe get to kno him. I also met this guy named Jay who Jazz was hitting on then he ended up hitting on me. I was like ohkay. But other than that not much has been goin on. Life is o.k... it has it's ups and downs. I haven't talked to Jay or heard anything frum him which suxs so I think that's my cue to just get over him. Anyhoo... I think I'm outie.
OHKAYBI
|
|
| |
|
Leave a comment |
| |
| Happy Fuckin New Year! |
|
|
| Jan. 1st, 2005 |
06:54 am | |
| |
Current Mood:
![[mood icon]](http://www.deadjournal.com:8080/mood/charitycam/black_cat/black_cat15.gif) sick
Current Music:
"Flow" By Transister
|
I have had another pretty crazy weekend. Last night when we went to the bar I met this guy named Josh. I thought he was pretty cute so I decided to hit on him. It was cool cuz he was very responsive to me. I couldn't believe that I was acctually able to hit on him cuz I'm usually really shy. Well anyhoo... We(Val, Mark, Josh[Jazz's Ex], Josh#2[the one i like], and Jazz) all ended up going back to Josh's and Josh#2 and I sat on the couch together. It was nice cuz I got to talk to him and what not and he was like so funny. But anyhoo... Josh and Jazz went to Josh's room and Val and Mark left so me and Josh#2 hung out upstairs. We made out and what not and it was pretty amazing. Then we went downstairs and hung out up there cuz we didn't wanna be loud and wake people up. I had an awesum night with him and I was just gonna sleep over but I wasn't tired so I just left. But then tonight when we went to the party and he was there we didn't say 2 words to eachother. It was bunk cuz I wanted to talk to him but I was wasted outta my mind and didn't kno what to say to him. We kept looking at eachother and what not... but no talking. I said hi to him and he said hey back which was the extenet of our convo. I feel like tho he might be mad cuz I didn't talk to him and I don't want him to think I used him and now I kinda feel bad. I'm hoping to be able to talk to him tomorrow and hopefully leave it on a better note and maybe see him again cuz I dunno when he's going back to Windsor. I really hope I can and get to talk to him. Other than that my New Years was pretty good. It's 2005 now, a brand new year for brand new beginnings. I hope this years is as good as the last one was. The only thing that kinda made me mad is I kno Dustin is upset about the msg I left him but I thought he was over it obviously not. I wish he would just tell me if he doesn't wanna be freinds anymore. Meh... at least I'm trying. I still haven't got to talk to Jay(K). Aparently he read my letter and told kelly it was lovely and that how he had to think bout things. I wonder how many times he has read it or if it even got to him at all. I really wanna talk to him. Like SO bad. Maybe I can get Kelly tog et him to call me or sumthin... I dunno we will see I guess... Anyhoo... I guess I'm outie!
OHKAYBI
|
|
| |
|
2 comments - Leave a comment |
| |
| "Im Always Swimming Against The Flow Of The Tide, Kissing The Life Into Sumthin Thats Already Died." |
|
|
| Dec. 29th, 2004 |
05:24 am | |
| |
Current Mood:
![[mood icon]](http://www.deadjournal.com:8080/mood/charitycam/black_cat/black_cat11.gif) hopeful
Current Music:
"Flow" By Transister
|
It is now 6:20AM and I still can't sleep... for what reason I dunno... but it suxs. I cleaned the house abit and did sum laundry. Talk about an exciting night. I can't stop thinking about Jay(K). I guess he was at the bar tonight which suxs cuz like the one night we don't go he goes out. I'm really hoping to see him tomorrow and Thursday. I hope Kelly gives him that letter soon because I fear time is running out altho I think Jay with with that gurl for the wrong reasons and I don't see it lasting too long. Well at least if I have anything to say about it. I really hope i can get him back. I haven't thought about anythng today other than him even when I was asleep, I was dreaming about him. I dunno what to do I feel like I'm going crazy. I guess there isn't much I can do but be patient. I think I can do that or at least try. I guess we will see what happens. Everyone wish me good luck... lol It's so late and sleeping seems impossible. What to do...?? I guess I'll just sit and chill... anyhoo... I'm outie!
OHKAYBI
|
|
| |
|
2 comments - Leave a comment |
| |
| "Marry Me... Stay The Same... Lie To Me And Try To Say You Never Will..." |
|
|
| Dec. 28th, 2004 |
07:14 pm | |
| |
Current Mood:
anxious
Current Music:
"Pieces Mended" By The Used
|
Life is so bunk... I wrote a letter to Jay(K) telling him exactly how I feel and since i never see him I gave it to Kelly so she could give it to him for me. I also told her to tell him to call me so now I'm sitting here just staring at my phone waiting for it to ring and be Jay. It feels like my life is at a stand still untill I talk to him. All I did while i was sleeping was dream about him and it suxs caz all dreams do is taunt me. Anyhoo... that's all...
OHKAYBI
|
|
| |
|
Leave a comment |
| |
| I Never Said I'd Lie And Wait Forever... |
|
|
| Dec. 23rd, 2004 |
07:43 pm | |
| |
Current Mood:
hopeful
Current Music:
"Vindicated" By Dashboard Confessional
|
Well I have come to a turning point in my life right now. I have decided to let my feeling for Dustin die like the leaves in the fall accept for the fact they won't come back in the spring. I have come to the point where i can't take the stupid games. and because of him I missed out on sumthin that could have been totally amazing. Why was i so stupid? Well never again. I have wasted so much time on him time that i can never get back. I don't regret anything that happened between him and I and Ic an say for awhile that i was really happie but the bad outway the good so it's time for me to move on. It feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders and i feel alot better. It's nice to finally have the strength to say no more. Now I guess my next mission is to try to get Jay(K). I dunno why i let him go in the first place. That's just me being a moron and no matter what people say about him I kno he cares about me. I really hope we hook up cuz i can totally see myself being with him. He made me feel so special and beautiful that short time we were together but i was to high on myself to realize what i had. I kno that if he cares as much as he said he did that he will find his way back to me eventually. Anyhoo... I think i'm outie...
OHKAYBI
|
|
| |
|
2 comments - Leave a comment |
| |
| Grrr Kitten... |
|
|
| Dec. 18th, 2004 |
09:13 pm | |
| |
Current Mood:
![[mood icon]](http://www.deadjournal.com:8080/mood/charitycam/black_cat/black_cat5.gif) horny
Current Music:
"Get Busy" Remix By Sean Paul & Friends...
|
Not much has really been goin on. Last week when we got to hang with Tim(yummie) and his "friend" Doug, I thought Doug was a cool guy and i even was encouraging my friend to like maybe date him. Man do i ever feel bad for that cuz he's a FUCKIN JERK! I couldn't believe it. But the good thing is that tim doesn't like him either so it's not like if i hnag with Tim I have to hnag with him. I think one of these days i'll get really drunk and fuckin kick Doug square in the nuts and hope that he can't have kids cuz he so shouldn't be allowed to create children like himself. But yeah Tim... what can I say? He's totally hott... I'm so down with bein with him... I so wanted to thrice lay him(you people who watch Clone High will get that little joke) but ya kno it didn't really happen. it's o.k tho there is still time. It was kinda bunk at the bar last night seein jay with his new g/f and the crappie thing is i can't even hate her cuz she is nice and what not. So i guess as long as he's happie then i should be happie. But i'm a fuckin bitch and i need to hate someone to make myself feel better... lol Nah kidding... But i must say i did have a rip rockin time at the bar last night. It was pretty intense kinda sorta. More guys need to move into this town because i'm running out of people to hit on. Meh what can you do... i can't wait till my holidays...should be quite exciting... I hope at least. Wow my life is really boring... Oh one thing I forgot to talk about the Dustin situation... Again i find myself tryin tog et over him... can anyone say fucking hard? He too confusing for me to keep dealing with him... I'm a simple person and i need a simple guy. But i kno that in this time and place finding a guy like that is gonna be like lookin for a nug of weed in a 10 foot pile of leaves. But anyhoo... I guess i'm outie...
OHKAYBI
|
|
| |
|
1 comment - Leave a comment |
| |
| Meh Squared... |
|
|
| Dec. 15th, 2004 |
06:02 pm | |
| |
Current Mood:
![[mood icon]](http://www.deadjournal.com:8080/mood/charitycam/black_cat/black_cat7.gif) blah
Current Music:
"Beautiful" By Thornley
|
A fair amount has went on in the past little while. Last weekend I spent most of the weekend with the guy I liked frum wurk Tim. I thought things were goin so well and he even told me that he was totally down for trying for a relationship. But I guess that was bull cuz today at work he didn't even say hi to me plus the fact he hasn't called me or anything. Why do guys get my hopes up only to crush them? I don't understand. Then things with Dustin seemed to be goin well. He told me what i could come over to his place and see him any time and what not. He was bein so awesum and he even called me a few times. Then he invited me to his place but I only got to stay for a bit then i had to go cuz his dad was bitchin. Now it seems he's like avoiding me. I kno he must be gettin sumthin from someone else because it seems he never wants to see me. Then there was Jay. I kno I fuct that up awhile ago but I was so happie when he told Vals Jay that he wanted to try again with me. I hadn't seen him in awhile so O tried to get a hold of him and then once the chance to see him rolled around again I find out he has a g/f. Like what the fuck? Life is so bunk... it seems these guys like me then they seem to be able to turn it off like a fucking faucet. All I want is someone I can be with. But i don't see that happening ... ever...
|
|
| |
|
3 comments - Leave a comment |
| |
| Keeping With The Trend... |
|
|
| Dec. 6th, 2004 |
11:25 pm | |
| |
Current Mood:
sad
Current Music:
"Over And Over" By Nelly
|
I have been reading my friends journals and they all seem so upset and depressed... unfortunatly my entry will be no different. In the past few months I have fallen deeply in love with somone and you would think that falling in love is all sunshine and flowers. Well this is reality and in this place I like to call real life it's not. This person seems to care about me one minute and the next he's someone totally different. No matter how hard I try to show him how much I care all my efforts seem all in vain. He tells me he can't love(even tho I kno he can) and he tells me he'll hurt me and things like that but I kno in my heart that if he really cared he wouldn't. I try to move on and get over him just to realize that no one can compare to him. He is everything and more to me and I don't kno what more I can do to make him see that we should be together. We have so much in common and I'm always happie when I'm around him. Just the thought of not having him in my life gives me this aching feeling in my heart as tho it is being torn in two. I was so amazed when he called me tonight to talk and I felt so special that I was the one he chose to talk to about what was bothering him. I feel this amazing connection that some people only ever feel once in a life time. I try to hard to express how I feel but words can't explain the way I feel when I'm with or around him. I love just watching him when he's talking to people. I love the way he kinda giggles when he makes a joke... I love the way he hugs me with his strong arms he makes me feel so safe... I love how when I look in his eyes everything that is wrong just melts away... and I love just listening to him talk always wondering what is going on inside that complex head of his. I wrote a poem for him...
Your heart is a wall,
And I can't break thru.
I want you to love me,
As much as I love you.
I want to kiss you and tell you everything is o.k.
But you continue to push me away.
I want to be there for you thru it all,
No matter if your on top of the world or about to fall.
You say you can't love but I kno this isn't true.
Cuz if it was,
Why would my heart let me fall in love with you?
I don't kno how I can show you how things could be,
Us against the world just you and me.
I can't help the way I feel it just isn't fair,
Never really knowing if you'll ever care.
I don't what else I can say accept that Dustin I love you and I hope someday you'll see that we should be together... :(
OHKAYBI...
|
|
| |
|
6 comments - Leave a comment |
| |
| Do You Kno What Time It Is?? |
|
|
| Dec. 5th, 2004 |
10:51 pm | |
| |
Current Mood:
blah
Current Music:
"After All" By Delerium
|
|
|
| |
|
Leave a comment |
| |
| It's The Way That He Makes Me Fall In Love.... |
|
|
| Nov. 28th, 2004 |
06:32 pm | |
| |
Current Mood:
![[mood icon]](http://www.deadjournal.com:8080/mood/charitycam/black_cat/black_cat30.gif) loved
Current Music:
"Wake Up" By Three Days Grace
|
Well I had quite the weekend. I ended up goin on mush at the bar on saturday which i don't really recommend doing cuz seriously it's totally fuct. But all in all I still had a good time. I was kinda mad cuz Jay the guy i was kinda seeing said he wanted to try again with me. And I was down cuz I do care about him but then I come to find out that he went home with Kelly that night so as far as I'm concerned I'm totally done with him. That made me mad cuz now I realize all the things he said to me and my friends was total bullshit. I felt bad when I slept with Dustin(especially cuz they are best friends)but not anymore. At least I was totally straight up with him the whole time and altho I didn't tell him about Dustin he did find out and I did feel bad. But fuck that now...
Last night at the bar was REALLY fun. I was totally wasted and so many people were there I was having the best time. Tim(the guy I liked frum wurk) was there and I got to dance with him which was pretty awesum. Then Dustin showed up which made my night even better. He asked me to move in with him again. I so want to. Then this morning he called me and left a message on my voicemail apologizing for not calling me. that was so sweet. He gave me his # to his other cell phone :) Then we were talking and he's like, "You should move into a one bedroom with me." Then he was telling me how sexy I looked at the bar and how I was cute. Man I like him SO much. It really seems tho that he's starting to come around. At least I hope he is. I wanna be with him more than anything. I was so happie when I called him and he said he was gonna come to the bar. He's so amazing... Anyhoo... other than that not much has been goin on so I'm outie!
OHKAYBI
|
|
| |
|
2 comments - Leave a comment |
| |
| Ahem... |
|
|
| Nov. 23rd, 2004 |
10:08 pm | |
| |
Current Mood:
happy
Current Music:
"Wake Up... And Love Again" By ACE P.C.
|
|
|
| |
|
1 comment - Leave a comment |
| |
| Barely Breathing.... |
|
|
| Nov. 16th, 2004 |
07:12 pm | |
| |
Current Mood:
![[mood icon]](http://www.deadjournal.com:8080/mood/charitycam/black_cat/black_cat24.gif) creative
Current Music:
"Are You In?" By incubus
|
Oh what a tangled web we weave... I think that quote says it all in a nutshell. I have been revisiting in my mind all the things that have happened to me in the past month and I have come to the realization that my life has came to that fork in the road and I don't kno which way to go. There are signs right in front of my face but I can't read them so I have to make this choice not knowing where I will end up. I can't believe all the changes I have went though in a matter of a few days and sometimes thinking about everything makes me wanna cry but I can't cuz I'm happie, but also I'm mad at the same time. I don't kno what to think or do... I feel like I'm spinning on a merry-go-round and all I want is for someone to reach out and stop it from spinning. The confusion I feel is totally overwhelming sometimes. I just wish things would stop being so wierd. But I guess that's life for you. I'm glad tho that everyone in our little clique have finally came clean and worked shit out. I think we were all due for alittle therapy. But the only thing that is crappie that when one set of problems is resolved then you come to find that you have a whole new set that you have to deal with. I'm trying so hard to hold myself together but I can slowly feel myself coming apart at the seams. I dunno if I can be strong anymore. New questions keep on poping up in my head making me doubt what I thought I knew. I don't kno what I need or what I can do to stop this. I think I'm gonna have to check myself into a hospital so they can dope me up on so much medication I fly right out the window. Nah I kno I wouldn't do that. Thanks to my friends who are like my second family I kno that I will survive the hardships and they will be there to take my hand and guide me though the days that seem like a never ending dark tunnel of dispair and hopelessness. And for that I am truely greatful. Even tho right now it seems my life is a cheep yet complex soap opera I kno and understand it is only life giving me the tools I need to succeed and grow. It's hard and I'm feeling the weight of what seems to be the world but in the back of my head I continue to think of the good thing(or try to) and I hope that it will continue to pull me though. I think i might stop rambling but not before I quote one of my favourite movies Vanilla Sky, "Every Passing Moment Is Another Chance To Turn It All Around..." - Sophia(Playes by Penelope Cruz)
OHKAYBI
|
|
| |
|
3 comments - Leave a comment |
| |
| "Float On Down The River...." |
|
|
| Nov. 10th, 2004 |
12:21 am | |
| |
Current Mood:
tired
Current Music:
"Are You In?" By incubus
|
So much has happened in the past little while. I had prollie the most intense weekend I have like almoat ever had. Awhile ago I met this guy named Jay and a friend of mine told me that he like wanted to hit on me n shit but he didn't so I just assumed it was nuttin. But then on Friday when we went to the bar I got him to dance with me and he told me that he likes me. So I am totally down cuz I like him too... Another thing he just so happens to be like good friends with Dustin. Well I guess Jay told dustin to back off and well that made him come after me more. And Dustin ended up kissing me. Which I can say I didn't mind. He was supposed to come over but I crashed out. I dunno what to do cuz I really like Jay but I still have like hardcore feelings for Dustin. And Dustin tells me how happie he is that Jay and I are hookin up but then after he'll like hit on me. I dunno what to do. Dustin tells me one thing but when I look in his eyes I see something totally different then what he is saying. It's hard to figure out what to do. Then Saturday we went to tha bar and I had an amazing time. And sum crazy stuff ended up happening but I had the most amazing night and morning with Jay. I felt so close to him and so comfortable... I love the way I feel when I'm with him. I just don't understand why I can't just get over Dustin and be with him. I'm just tryin to take things as they come but it's hard... I dunno... I guess we will see...
|
|
| |
|
2 comments - Leave a comment |
| |
| "Share With Me Cuz I Need It Right Now Let Me See Your Insides..." |
|
|
| Nov. 3rd, 2004 |
12:04 am | |
| |
Current Mood:
![[mood icon]](http://www.deadjournal.com:8080/mood/charitycam/black_cat/black_cat21.gif) confused
Current Music:
Whatever Is Playing On Much...
|
A fair amount has happened since the last time I wrote in here. My holidays were great I had so much fun. I went to the bar alot! lol Being wasted is fun. I met this guy named Brett who is a total hottie. He was supposed to be at Burty's Saturday but there was so many people there I couldn't find him even if he was there. I hope he's at the bar Friday cuz i totally wanna see him... yummy! hehe OMG! You'll never guess who talked to me. Ricky! I was so happie. Man it has been so long. I hope that maybe we can talk more and rekindle the friendship we had. I missed him sooooo much! That night I also has a really intense conversation with Dustin. I dunno if it made a difference prollie not but it seemed like it did kinda. At first I kinda was like maybe I shouldn't have like opened up to him like that but I kno if I didn't I would have regretted it. I just hope all the stuff he old me wasn't bullshit. But I was surprised he opened up to me too. I dunno there are times when I think I should just let go but then for some reason I can't. I just wish he would just tell me straight up what he wants cuz I can't keep going on wondering what the hell. One min he wants me the next it seems like he doesn't... I dunno it's totally confusing to me. Other than that things have been goin really well. It kinda suxs being back to wurk but hey it's money. Kory and I are gonna start looking for an apartment soon. It's gonna be great moving in with him. I really hope it all wurks out. I went to see The Used on sunday. it was an amazing concert. At the end of the show Quinn got naked and i saw his packagehehe. And Burt mooned the audiance. They are coming back in February so I'm totally going to see them. Anyhoo... I guess I'm done for now if anything exciting happens I'll be sure to write about it... ohkaybi.
|
|
| |
|
3 comments - Leave a comment |
| |
| "Every Passing Minute Is Another Chance To Turn It All Around." |
|
|
| Oct. 21st, 2004 |
12:03 am | |
| |
Current Mood:
![[mood icon]](http://www.deadjournal.com:8080/mood/charitycam/black_cat/black_cat12.gif) pissed off
Current Music:
The Stupid Fucking Radio
|
Yeah tonight my night was really bunk... it started off good and slowly went down hill. I think everything that I have been thinking about and everything that has been bothering me just finally came to a head and fuckin blew up in my face. Started out Dustin made fun of Val which was totally wrong but I found myself unable to really bitch at him... why? Because I'm stupid and I let the way I feel for him cloud my better judgement... I should have said sumthin but didn't... Then Trace, Nick, and Val started to talk shit about Dustin. Really that didn't bother me that much... but for some reason I just couldn't stand to hear it. It's like I already kno that Dustin isn't good for me and I constantly have people telling me that and telling me shit about him that I don't wanna hear. People try so hard to burst my happy bubble untill it's a huge puddle of misery. The support I get from my friends is pretty much non existant and it seems they can't seem to have enough negativity about anyone I happen to like in this case Dustin. Maybe I'm upset about it because I'm seeing things in him that I don't wanna see or it could be sumthin else I don't kno. Everyone around me seems to be living the fairy tail or what i like to call the "happily ever after" and then there is my life the good ol fasioned greek tragedy. Yeah I kno I'm being over dramatic but it seems that nothing is going good for everyone else unless I'm unhappy. Well everyone I'm unhappy now so you all can smile and laugh and have an amazing time living your "once apon a time" lives. Why couldn't things have just went they way I wanted them to? I guess that wouldn't have been life if things went good for once. Oh well... I guess it's time to move on once again... I guess i should be used to this. I'm not and it suxs... and as much as I try to stop liking Dustin I can't... I'm hoping that Scott being back here might take my mind off of Dustin... I guess we will see... MEH
OhKayBi
|
|
| |
|
6 comments - Leave a comment |
| |
| And I'd Give Up Forever 2 Touch You Cuz I Kno That You Feel Me Somehow... |
|
|
| Oct. 17th, 2004 |
11:41 pm | |
| |
Current Mood:
giggly
Current Music:
"The Trouble With Love Is..." By Kelly Clarkson
|
~(means I'm talkin about Val's b/f Jay)
This weekend was fuckin amazing. Friday and Saturday I went to the bar. Friday it was Val, Jay~, Jessie, Jens, and me and then Kory came a bit later.I didn't really wanna go because I was kinda upset about Dustin but i got over it and went anyway. I ended up haveing a really good time. And this one guy came up to me and he was sayin how I was like a Nubian Princess and how i was the most beautiful girl in the bar and how i had a beautiful smile. And everytime he came up to me he would bow and when he would go he would kiss my hand. He wasn't the best lookin but I thought it was funny all the same. He also said that 3 people told him not to talk to me and i'm still wonderin who it was. It was great and I had so much fun just dancin n' shit. Then when I was walkin home I was on one side of the street and Phil Kneels and 2 of his friends were on the other side and they were like talkin to me and askin how I was and telling me that I shouldn't be creeped out cuz they weren't following me n shit. It was funny LOL Jenna was so drunk it was hilarious.
Then on Saturday I went to the bar again. That was awesum too! There were so many people there that I knew and I had an amazing time gettin drunk and dancing. The only thing I was sad about is that Val missed our bar song "Scandelous" it made me sad but i was happie again cuz she was there for fuckin "Lean Back" and we totally love that song. Then near the end of the night Dustin ended up showin up with Kendall and this guy names Jay and Dre. Dustin came up to me like right away and gave me like a huge hug and started to like kiss my neck... it was hott. That totally made my night and he kept pulling me all close to him n shit and man he just ket kissin me on the neck which I totally don't mind cuz it's totally too hott for t.v. Then we finally got out front of the bar and We stood there for awhile and talked with Jay and Dre and I tried to keep Dre all warmy in my coat. And Dre's friend Jay was like buggin him to leave and he kept sayin "man She is so sexy!" and I was like "who?" and he was like "YOU!" and he was all like "I'm sorry I can't help it your just so sexy!" and I was like "Thanks" then he was like "Dre seriously we have to leave she is so sexy!" and I was just laughing... but I think that guy ia kinda seeing this gurl I met like last week who is friends with Sarah. Then after we left this 29 yr old guy asked to walk with us so we let him and he was actin all crazy and Val was like skipping down the street singing and the guy said to Jay, "Make sure they get home o.k!" lol cuz he thought we were like all wasted and going crazy then Val was like bitchin sayin she wasn't that wasted but she was wasted and it was so funny!
I had really great nights both night and i think dustin is gonna come to the bar with us this weekend comming up so i'm totally happie. Anyhoo.. that's the extent of my amazing weekend...
OHKAYBI!!!
|
|
| |
|
1 comment - Leave a comment |
| |
| Testy Time Again!! YAY!! |
|
|
| Oct. 17th, 2004 |
11:30 pm | |
| |
Current Mood:
blah
Current Music:
"I Just Wanna Fuck You" By Dre, Snoop and Devon
|
|
|
| |
|
Leave a comment |
| |
|
|
